To My Sensitive Loquacious Friends
For as long as I can remember, I have been talkative. I get an idea in my head that excites me, and it just comes out.
"Just comes out" are the key words here.
When we are children, people excuse "just comes out" and are patient with us as they help us learn to filter it appropriately. As an adult, however, one of two things can happen:
1) The person you may just have started talking to is a talker too, you discover all the things you have in common, and now you have their phone number in your cell phone.
Or
2) The person you are talking to is not a talker. They just want to know "What's your point?" and move on to the next thing. The more you talk, the more impatient they get. This happens to varying degrees, but when it happens in the extreme, it can be easy to become intimidated or defensive or just plain disappointed in yourself because you failed at filtering enough to let this person see the best side of you. The voice in my head is loud and clear on this:
"It's not you, it's them. Or it's not even them, because they likely don't realize that they can just interrupt you and kindly tell you that they would like to speak now - or have a little silence. Intent is everything. You have the ability to push back those negative feelings - intimidation, defensiveness, disappointment - and concentrate on the important thing: that filter you've been working on all your life, and probably always will. Relax in the awkward silence, let the other person speak (non-talkers can take much longer to do this). The next time you meet a non-talker, do it again. Not only will this increase the effectiveness and response time of your filter, you'll be happier with yourself, and you'll make more friends."
The first time we met, a good friend of mine from England said, with a delightful lilt in her voice, "Ah, I see you have the gift for gab." I felt my entire body lift. I thought, "It's not a curse, it's a gift. It's actually a good thing."
The voice in my head immediately responded with a well worn adage: "Too much of anything, even a good thing, may prove to be our undoing. We need to set definite boundaries on our appetites" (William Bennett).
If you're a talker and you're feeling down today, here's a great little article to remind you of your gift:
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